MAX Blog

Give and Take

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
— Jeremiah 29:11

The anticipation had built inside of us for weeks, and today was finally the day we would announce to the world that we were expecting. To add to the excitement, we were not expecting just one bundle of joy, but twins! One quick check-up at the doctor and we would release the good news...

But in an instant, everything changed. As we looked up at the ultrasound projected on the wall, we saw a bouncy baby wiggling its fingers and toes with a strong heartbeat. Then the picture moved and our excitement quickly turned to despair as we saw the lifeless baby. No wiggling. No heartbeat. Nothing. 

We were speechless. The doctor began to explain how this can sometimes happen and provided us with words of encouragement, but to be honest with you, I barely heard a word he said. I was just lost. Staring at the screen, hoping for a miracle. It is amazing how I fell deeply in love with someone I had not even met. 

The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. Sometimes, that is a hard concept to grasp. Why would He take away something so innocent and precious to us? I do not know, but I know there is a reason. He promises not to harm us, to give us hope, and a glorious future. Right now, that promise of hope is all we have to get us through the day. We are heartbroken by our loss and unsure of what our future holds.

Steve and I are accustomed to things not going our way. Tragedy seems to follow us, but in all the pain and suffering, our marriage continues to grow stronger. As we walked out of the doctor's office that day, he held my hand ever so tightly. I knew in that moment, he will never let me go, he will never leave my side. There is comfort in knowing someone is always there for you. I find joy in Steve through his unconditional love, I find peace in my family and friends through their kind words and encouragement, and I find hope in the Good Lord in knowing he has incredible plans for me. 

Give and take. It is part of life. One thing is for sure, we will have a beautiful baby waiting to greet us in heaven! We do not know what the future holds, but for now, we are delighted to announce that we are expecting. We are saddened by our loss, but are so truly happy for the miracle that continues to grow inside. Baby Hayes...arriving September 2016.